Shalom dear friends,

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Today I felt it on my heart to put a letter in your post box. I hope that you are well in this time and that you have been growing and enjoying your journey with Yeshua.

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I have been very quiet as I find myself in a set-apart season. Abba is busy shaping something inside of me and only He knows when the time of release will come. Until then, I patiently wait for Him to complete in me that which He has started. I trust that when Abba releases me from this season that His work within would have come into full fruition for His glory.

Sometimes, it is hard to be patient and wait instead of running ahead out of time. Abba’s work is perfect, but you don’t always know how long a specific process He starts in you might take, and that is one of the aspects of fire in hard seasons. How long…?

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My season seems very slow, and every now and again the frustration builds up inside of my flesh and I want to throw a little “how-much-further tantrum”. Praise YHVH that He is patient, praise YHVH that He gives us the opportunity to become patient too. I must say, this fruit grows slowly and takes endurance within stormy circumstance. Patience is humbling and filled with zeal. Sometimes, like a wave that builds up with anticipation and you wait for the shifting moment until YHVH whispers, “Are you enjoying the process?” Umm… I wonder if He would be okay with it if I said “no”? The internal dialog continues… Sarah, He hears your every thought, He knows you are struggling.

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Yeshua laughs… “Yes, I know you struggle to enjoy the journey if you don’t know what the end of it will look like. It’s okay, but I want to stretch you even deeper than patience, I want to lead you into trust. It’s hard to trust when you don’t have answers, solutions, or a desired outcome that seems within your reach. All I ask, is that you will be willing and that you will come when you face the fear of disappointment when this season seems to drag on and your patience wants to fade like a weathered flower. Hold on a little longer, press in a little deeper. You see, Sarah, this fruit of patience challenges your control issues. Patience flourishes like a spring blossom when you learn to let go of what you can’t see, don’t know, can’t change, and just trust anyway.”

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Pappa, it’s harder than it sounds. It sounds beautiful and pure, it sounds desirable and lovely but over here, deep out of the seed of fear, the weeds of perfection want to overthrow this process because “I have to do it just right, I have to get it right because Yeshua is worthy of the best, and I don’t want to fail Him.” Mmmm, I see Abba, I see. Let Your light cast out the weeds so that I can behold and become, without it being a process of my own effort, grasping for perfection instead of just loving You and patiently learning to enjoy the process.

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I want to share a section from my journal where Yeshua and I journeyed around the topic of patience…

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Growing in patience

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 “You may feel like this season is dragging on tirelessly. Little breakthrough, slow progress, vulnerable due to repeating patterns, dark loops, and strong programming. Nevertheless, I am growing the fruit of patient endurance in the midst of it all. It’s hard, it’s long and tough but there, in the midst of the war, a flower has sprung up. The flower’s name is Patience. It is not a fast grower, but it does grow a little each day, little by little. Patience isn’t really a pleasant plant, it isn’t nice to look at, it doesn’t taste sweet, but its properties are valuable and like none other. What is found within Patience are the key nutrients – they keep your soul healthy and cause it to prosper. Make peace with patience, My daughter. Make peace with the pace at which Patience grows. It might be slow, but it is steady and consistent as it grows in the light of trust into a tough plant that is able to resist the harsh winds of hardship.”

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As I was writing this letter, I heard my youngest daughter crying. Her dad was about to leave the house (he had to run a quick errand) and she desperately wanted to go with him. From my office I heard him leave with an instruction… “Get ready, because as soon as I come back, I will come to get you, and then you can be with me.” She was, however, not satisfied with this, she wanted to go with him NOW and she was trying her best, her loudest, to get him to give in and take her with him in that moment.

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I called her to come to me, in an attempt to soothe her. “It’s okay, Elaiyah, be patient, Pappa will be so quick that he is almost already on his way back to come and get you, I can already hear the car coming.”

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I might as well just have stayed quiet because a little sad, impatient, teared-up face was looking back at me with eyes red from crying… In that moment, I realised that this was exactly what my impatience with this season looked like.

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I want breakthrough NOW, like she wanted to go with her father NOW.

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I sank back into my chair and picked her up. My tears couldn’t help but flow as I whispered to Yeshua, “Pappa, why do I struggle so much to be patient with the suffering? Why is it so hard to find joy in this without having the season swallow me completely? Why do I struggle so much to be at peace with this process?”

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Mercifully, He whispered back as He picked me up onto His lap and soothed me. “My child, it is because the process is painful and uncertain. It’s dark and you don’t know when the morning will come again. Here you can rest, because this is where the flower of Patience grows at its best. I can’t tell you how long this season will be. I can’t tell you when you will reach the mountain top because I want you to make peace with this lack of control and embrace the patient trust that letting go brings. I know it is deeply discomforting, but it will yield a beautiful harvest and you will be glad that you went through all of this, because you grew in the knowledge of who I AM in your pain. I AM a patient Patience Gardener; I keep a close eye on what I plant. It is My desire that on that day when I call out, ‘Patient one, come forward!’ while My heart yearns for a bride that is called like that, that you will be among the ones that are called by that name. Remember, love is not rushed. I make everything beautiful in its time. Patience isn’t an enemy just because it doesn’t produce a harvest in the time that you see fit. Release it and give Me the time, the space, the trust to do what is necessary. You’ll thank me later.”

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